The Quest of a Supergirl Wannabe

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"If I could be like that, I would give anything. Just to live one day in their shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do?"
- 3 Doors Down

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I believe that we all have this "quest" in our lives. A "quest" that we are passionate about. It's the "quest" that we particularly work hard for. The "quest" that pushes us to do other things we did not imagine we would ever do. A "quest" we enjoy, hate, laugh/smile at, cry for, and think over in our lives.

My "quest" is something that has induced and directed my life; it pragmatically is my life. I am always expecting that everything in my life will fall into their proper places, yet it feels like almost everything is starting to fall apart. What's frustrating is that it is inevitable.

I have come to this point when I began asking myself: "Is this the life that I really wanted to live?" I think some of you had the same question too. We ask this question, not really knowing the answer, because i think it will really suck to realize that all your life has been dedicated to some "quest," which in time you come to realize is of no worth or reason at all.

My "quest" is not that big really. Nor is it something that I can really boast to anyone. The decision to live the "accounting student life" had come naturally to me. It's actually a personal choice. I don't recall anybody, especially my parents, forcing me to pursue any other course.

I did many other things while enjoying my "quest." I did not put my hobby of writing to waste. I know that the love of writing and numbers will not match, but they do in my case.

I was always this "in-between" kind of girl in campus. I'm not the brainiest nor the dumbest. I'm not the coolest nor the geekiest. In other words, I'm not really sure of what is the best adjective that could describe me when I was younger. Maybe I was just inspired. And I'm inspired until now. Inspired to try many things. Not only academics. I don't like focusing on one thing only. I can have an ultimate dream - a "quest" - but that doesn't mean I'll stop giving attention to other things. You may not get what I mean as of the moment, but at the end of this article, you'll see.
I may always want to try many things, but I still have this duty to choose them. Choose what I will do. Choose what is right. I know that sometimes, it's good to be bad. But when you come to think of the long run, it is much better to take careful steps than find yourself regretting in the end.

While my classmates and friends were busy playing volleyball games and finding the cutest guys in campus, my time was spent on countless adventures with the novels and magazines I read. I always make sure that when I engage in doing something, I get to learn from it, whether it's a small or big thing. Having fun for me was not malling and games. It was enjoying the latest show of Barney, Spongebob, and Hi-5 on tv, together with my adorable younger brother. It was also learning to explore what adults are interested in - current events, the economy, politics, and the like. I did not even find the time to learn HTML. Well right now I'm trying!

In high school, I was never one of the girls who learned to smoke, get drunk and brag about their sexual escapades while I thought and seeked advice from people I look up to on what's in store for me once I get to college. I joined quiz bees while they thought I was wasting time. When we were given free time in class, I wrote essays or stories, while they talk about the latest Hollywood gossips and what's new in the fashion world.

I am a boring girl. I would not complain if you would choose to call me that. I would even say thank you.

I hate to admit that there have been times, whether I'm lying in bed, or just sitting at home doing nothing, when I wish I did not do the things I did. When I wish that I did not choose the things I chose. That things would take a different turn in one click. When I wish my "quest" had not been accounting. When I wish I could just punch anyone who would tell me, "You're so good in writing, what made you pursue accountancy instead of journalism?" When I wish that the people who told me that would see accounting not just a course for nerds, or for serious business-minded individuals. That you could be an accountant and a writer at the same time. When I wish that I should've taken up History or Asian Studies, since I knew historical events by heart.

I'd wonder how my life could have been, had I become a volleyball pro. Or the representative of the class to the annual pageant. Or score the latest fashion. Or a feared bad girl in high school. Just like the rest of the "cool" girls to say the least.

My usual escape mechanism is to just continue what I've been doing. As they say, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I change my ways by adding something new to it. Not totally changing and going back to start. Life is a game, but in some aspects, it is not.

If things were the other way around, then I probably couldn't have passed the entrance exam of one of the prestigious universities in the Philippines. Or finished high school with awards. Or written the short story that won me a silver medal in a literature festival of our university. Or answered the questions in those trivia contests that gave me medals and earned me kudos and congratulations from people I did not even know. Or witnessed the joy in my parents' faces when they see my brother and I laugh together. Or you probably wouldn't be reading this article now! haha!

Wondering how it would feel to be somebody else is just routine to me I think. Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with that. Rather than suppress my woes, it is much better to admit them.
For some, it's too bad because turning back is no option. But for me, it's good. I can't say that I did everything perfectly, but turning back would just make my dreams that have been giving me directions twist into a vicious nightmare. I don't want to live a lifetime hating myself, for the decisions I made and this person I wanted to be.

I'm exactly where I want to be. If what I do will take me to greater heights, then that would be the best!

In spite of everything, I've come a long way trying to be good at pursuing my "quest" by this time.

Oh, at this time, I've come to realize that I shouldn't stop at doing just good.

It should be best. My best at pursuing "my quest." The "quest" of a supergirl wannabe. Go dindin!

P.S. Do I still need to explain what's the 3 Doors Down song is doing up there?

Girl, you'll be a Woman soon

Growing up can be a drag, or it can be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.


When I was in high school, I was neither the popular girl nor the geek. I failed to be the campus sweetheart because I was not fair-skinned and slim. I was never the nerd, either. I was too naughty to be one, and with not so impressive grades, no one could really blame me for being gifted. So I was sort of the girl who was just there. I hung out with the cool and fast girls, but I hung out with the muses of the math club, too. In other words, I befriended almost everyone, regardless of their coolness or nerdyness.

In college, I can’t say that I totally fit in. I entered a huge university, wherein teenagers from all points in the Philippines who have some money and real brains go to. I wasn’t as insecure and trusting as I was in high school. I became more wary of people and more certain of what I wanted and expected. I became more independent. My parents are not always there for me during those times I was adjusting. So I really had to depend on me. I thought everyone was boring. Truth was, I was dead scared of everyone.

Mom and Dad are always reminding me to study and work hard. I didn’t want to disappoint them, especially my dad. So I inured myself into that kind of setup. I never went to school unprepared. I always tried to get satisfactory grades. In fact, I became a worrier. My old friends said they missed the happy-go-lucky and full of life Dindin that they once knew. So that was when I began to reassess myself. I thought that maybe I was being too hard on myself. I was always preoccupied about school stuff that I forgot how to have fun. My friends felt that I’ve forgotten them too.

What I did was, I focused only on the important tasks and tried to manage my time. At first, it was hard. But then as I worked my way on it, I just found myself smiling while learning. I tried not to stress on everything. Now, I’m engaged in different extra-curricular activities and became active in some student organizations. Next thing I knew, I am on stage hosting events and concerts in school. I even found a new hobby, and that is photography.

Accounting is not easy. Since it cannot be learned through just reading and memorizing, one has to keep on practicing how to solve problems and understand how it works. It is a skill. One of my biggest goals is to become a CPA someday. I had to show my parents that this is what I really wanted. I never smoked a cigarette, had beer, considered drugs, or did things that will make them think I’m irresponsible. To be fair to all parents, they will always want the best for their kids. It’s just that sometimes things get a little out of hand, because in reality, I’m still a teenager. There were times that I’ve forgotten to tell them how I’ve been doing in school. The good thing about it is there’s always room for explanation no matter how bad it can get. What counts is that if you know yourself enough, you won’t let other people or other things hold you back from becoming your authentic self just because you have to attune to a certain criteria to fit in or look good. I have to set aside other things so as not to misuse the opportunities I’ve been given in this lifetime, too. Because for one, nothing right will come out of any wrong action you do, especially if you let go of your values. Say for example, I refuse going out with my buddies on girls’ nights out, because I know there are lots of important things to do with my time. If they are my real friends, they would understand why I did that. The trade-offs in the choices that one makes are sometimes invisible. Sometimes, it’s too late to turn back when they start popping up, one by one. And before you know it, you’ve lost it.

The things I’ve gone through only made me a stronger person, and being strong gave me the leverage to watch things unfold, things that actually continue to surprise me up to now. So many doors had to close before my eyes for me to find the last one that led me to where I am now. I haven’t accomplished many of my goals yet, but I can tell you one thing: I’m happy where I am and I wouldn’t want it the other way.

When I entered college in 2005, I lost 10 pounds. By the time I got to 3rd year, I lost another 10. My friends teased me about being a late bloomer. But losing weight helped me see people’s true colors. Before, guys would ignore me or make fun of me. Now, they treat me with more respect. No matter what people say, looks really matter. The change in my appearance gave me more confidence, but I never let that get to my head because I know how it feels to be the ugly duckling. It’s really painful.

I also broke up with my first boyfriend. Although he was fun to be with and a good guy, there were times I’d think that he wasn’t the right one for me. There was just something missing. It was sad because we had been together for 2 years. I had depended on him when I was at my most vulnerable. But I realized that my entire wellbeing and happiness shouldn’t depend on one person.

At first, my parents doubted my decisions and choices. But they saw that I eventually pulled through. I now follow my heart in everything that I do. Finally, I know what I want. I don’t want to settle and play it safe. We only have one life. Don’t go down the safe road. There’s just so much more out there.

Who am I?

I've written this article almost 4 years ago. This was already posted in my friendster blog, xanga blog, and myspace blog. So, you see, uhmm, I'm not contented with one blog site. I know I should change that attitude though. Ka Ching!

Who am I? You sure you wanna know?? haha, no just kidding... I am a very serious living organism/thing on this luxuriant and somewhat horrendous planet Earth. It doesn't mean that if I said that I'm serious, it means that I'm totally serious! It's not what you think...I'm serious in a way that I find time to improve, grow, and become mature in this fast-changing world of ours. I still find time to have fun, socialize, experiment on everything, and give my 101% effort, strength, and adrenaline to try different things that I never thought I would ever try. And the one thing that I never forget to do at the start of the day, SMILE! A smile brings happiness to everyone. You never know that some problematic people might forget about all their teething troubles once they catch a glimpse of your beautiful smile....so my advice, smile!!!

I will ask again another question. Am I happy? I've already asked myself that question countless of times. Do I even know myself? I guess the first answer to that dilemma of mine is an unequivocal and insistent yes. Yes, I am happy. I am happy that I have such energetic, loyal and full of joie de vivre friends. I admit that because of them, my high-spiritedness is always present in my hale and hearty soul. I feel like I'm in seventh heaven because I'm able to partake of the sundry offerings of this wonderful world. I always wonder why most people, desire to be contented. I believe that contentment is a word that can really be found in the lexicons, but if you analyze and reflected more deeply onto this word, you'll be able to realize that no one and nobody, is contented. Why did I say so? It's simple. Almost every person who prays to the Almighty will always have the phrases: "I hope ______" and "I wish ______", and so on and so forth. That's real evidence isn't it? Well, that's just in my opinion. haha!

Me, I can say that I'm delighted that I belong to a great school, wherein I'm able to exercise my skills, and use the talents that God has given me. I meet different kinds of people, and am able to distinguish who can be really trusted. I am dominated by emotion by the thought that even though the world is really full of terrors, I still manage to survive and live my life the way I want to. But I have to admit, that besides all these happiness and joy that I feel when I think of the positive side, I'm still not contented with what I have. In fact, I'm still yearning for something more. And it seems really crazy that I don't even know what's that something that I'm yearning about. It's for me to find out. Okay, after I related to you my undying confusion about who I really am, let me tell you something about my relationships with God, and His son, Jesus Christ. I can say that I truly believe that religion matters. I love my religion unconditionally. Without God, I don't think I could ever survive any hardships that I encounter during my past experiences. Up to now, I consider Him my Father, my best friend, my hero, and most especially, my lifesaver. Reflecting about the fulfillment of Jesus' mission here on earth and the sacrifice that he made for us by giving up his life and letting himself be crucified just to save us from sin, helped me realize that no one in this world I can rely on except him. For this reason, I am beyond doubt, a firm believer of Jesus Christ.

After writing this, I finally realized that indeed, I am happy. I don't have to think of all the worries and fears that I have all throughout my life. I have to focus on the brighter side of life, and think of possible solutions wherein I could prevent myself from giving up easily, and surrendering myself without fighting for it. I am delighted because I am not alone. There are many people out there who truly love me, and accept who I am. I really have to be grateful because of these wonderful blessings that even money can't buy. It all comes from God, the Father, and I owe it all to Him. :)