The Quest of a Supergirl Wannabe

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"If I could be like that, I would give anything. Just to live one day in their shoes. If I could be like that, what would I do?"
- 3 Doors Down

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I believe that we all have this "quest" in our lives. A "quest" that we are passionate about. It's the "quest" that we particularly work hard for. The "quest" that pushes us to do other things we did not imagine we would ever do. A "quest" we enjoy, hate, laugh/smile at, cry for, and think over in our lives.

My "quest" is something that has induced and directed my life; it pragmatically is my life. I am always expecting that everything in my life will fall into their proper places, yet it feels like almost everything is starting to fall apart. What's frustrating is that it is inevitable.

I have come to this point when I began asking myself: "Is this the life that I really wanted to live?" I think some of you had the same question too. We ask this question, not really knowing the answer, because i think it will really suck to realize that all your life has been dedicated to some "quest," which in time you come to realize is of no worth or reason at all.

My "quest" is not that big really. Nor is it something that I can really boast to anyone. The decision to live the "accounting student life" had come naturally to me. It's actually a personal choice. I don't recall anybody, especially my parents, forcing me to pursue any other course.

I did many other things while enjoying my "quest." I did not put my hobby of writing to waste. I know that the love of writing and numbers will not match, but they do in my case.

I was always this "in-between" kind of girl in campus. I'm not the brainiest nor the dumbest. I'm not the coolest nor the geekiest. In other words, I'm not really sure of what is the best adjective that could describe me when I was younger. Maybe I was just inspired. And I'm inspired until now. Inspired to try many things. Not only academics. I don't like focusing on one thing only. I can have an ultimate dream - a "quest" - but that doesn't mean I'll stop giving attention to other things. You may not get what I mean as of the moment, but at the end of this article, you'll see.
I may always want to try many things, but I still have this duty to choose them. Choose what I will do. Choose what is right. I know that sometimes, it's good to be bad. But when you come to think of the long run, it is much better to take careful steps than find yourself regretting in the end.

While my classmates and friends were busy playing volleyball games and finding the cutest guys in campus, my time was spent on countless adventures with the novels and magazines I read. I always make sure that when I engage in doing something, I get to learn from it, whether it's a small or big thing. Having fun for me was not malling and games. It was enjoying the latest show of Barney, Spongebob, and Hi-5 on tv, together with my adorable younger brother. It was also learning to explore what adults are interested in - current events, the economy, politics, and the like. I did not even find the time to learn HTML. Well right now I'm trying!

In high school, I was never one of the girls who learned to smoke, get drunk and brag about their sexual escapades while I thought and seeked advice from people I look up to on what's in store for me once I get to college. I joined quiz bees while they thought I was wasting time. When we were given free time in class, I wrote essays or stories, while they talk about the latest Hollywood gossips and what's new in the fashion world.

I am a boring girl. I would not complain if you would choose to call me that. I would even say thank you.

I hate to admit that there have been times, whether I'm lying in bed, or just sitting at home doing nothing, when I wish I did not do the things I did. When I wish that I did not choose the things I chose. That things would take a different turn in one click. When I wish my "quest" had not been accounting. When I wish I could just punch anyone who would tell me, "You're so good in writing, what made you pursue accountancy instead of journalism?" When I wish that the people who told me that would see accounting not just a course for nerds, or for serious business-minded individuals. That you could be an accountant and a writer at the same time. When I wish that I should've taken up History or Asian Studies, since I knew historical events by heart.

I'd wonder how my life could have been, had I become a volleyball pro. Or the representative of the class to the annual pageant. Or score the latest fashion. Or a feared bad girl in high school. Just like the rest of the "cool" girls to say the least.

My usual escape mechanism is to just continue what I've been doing. As they say, you can't teach an old dog new tricks. I change my ways by adding something new to it. Not totally changing and going back to start. Life is a game, but in some aspects, it is not.

If things were the other way around, then I probably couldn't have passed the entrance exam of one of the prestigious universities in the Philippines. Or finished high school with awards. Or written the short story that won me a silver medal in a literature festival of our university. Or answered the questions in those trivia contests that gave me medals and earned me kudos and congratulations from people I did not even know. Or witnessed the joy in my parents' faces when they see my brother and I laugh together. Or you probably wouldn't be reading this article now! haha!

Wondering how it would feel to be somebody else is just routine to me I think. Well, I guess there's nothing wrong with that. Rather than suppress my woes, it is much better to admit them.
For some, it's too bad because turning back is no option. But for me, it's good. I can't say that I did everything perfectly, but turning back would just make my dreams that have been giving me directions twist into a vicious nightmare. I don't want to live a lifetime hating myself, for the decisions I made and this person I wanted to be.

I'm exactly where I want to be. If what I do will take me to greater heights, then that would be the best!

In spite of everything, I've come a long way trying to be good at pursuing my "quest" by this time.

Oh, at this time, I've come to realize that I shouldn't stop at doing just good.

It should be best. My best at pursuing "my quest." The "quest" of a supergirl wannabe. Go dindin!

P.S. Do I still need to explain what's the 3 Doors Down song is doing up there?